by BRAAM Family

Monday 05/11/2019


From our previous discussion, it’s clear that there are certain traits and characteristics attached and ascribed to men and women that they both disagree with and to a certain extent find repulsive. Below is a list of a few points that were raised during the discussion.

Behaviors in men that women find repulsive:

*  They want to be bossy

* Men feel like they are allowed to cheat

* Men think that women’s place is in the kitchen

* Men think that they are superior to women

* Men expect women to be submissive without an established relationship

* They look for a woman that’s like their mom or expect a woman to be just like their mothers 

* Expecting a woman to be a virgin but yet the man himself is still playing around

* Approach a woman with no plan to sow confusion in her life

Repulsive behaviors in Women:

* Women have the conception that men are trash and ascribe it to every man

* Have FBI tendencies of wanting to know and control everything

* Some women struggle with the concept of submission 

* It appears that women hate each other more than men do and are willing to bring each other down

* Women sometimes want to prove a point or compete with men for everything, even when there’s no need for competition

* Some women love to gossip

The belief that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, the propaganda of “men are trash” as well as wanting to be with someone who resembles one’s father or mother have all contributed to the way men and women see, react and interact with each other.

With the growth of women empowerment, it’s important to remember that the many accomplishments that one may have as a woman don’t necessarily define their womanhood. Your achievements don’t make you any less or more of a woman because God made you a complete woman when He created you. Never compete with men to be a man but remember that as a woman, you have a specific role and purpose which you were designed to fulfill. Another important point is that a woman should have the wisdom to differentiate between their career and accolades from their duty as a woman.

The concept of submission is one that, over the years, created confusion in its understanding and consequently its application too. 

Colossians 3:18 and Ephesians 5:22-28 show us that the subject of a woman submitting to a man is in the brackets of marriage and that submission is done as a response to love. Submission is also primarily bound to a defined relationship and nothing outside of it. A man shouldn’t expect every woman to be submissive to him and if he is looking for submission out of marriage, he should then observe it.

The issue of virginity is also one that has caused and continues to cause problems in many societies today. One has to move away from the mindset of thinking that a virgin woman is a perfect woman, as virginity transcends the physical. Someone can physically be a virgin without being one spiritually and mentally because of what they watch or think about – perverted on the inside. You also find those that have stumbled before but have repented and embraced the new life that comes with Christ. So virginity is not only in actions but it’s also in the pureness of thought (see Matthew 5:27-28).

Also, society feels that it’s okay for a man to play around and for the woman to keep herself, whereas we need to understand that virginity is equally important for both genders.

God is able to restore and renew your mind to that of virgin’s because a mind that isn’t a virgin sees people as mere objects to enjoy and be enjoyed with. If you have fallen before, allow God to renew you and work on you because there are certain things that He wants to give you and teach you in your period of singleness. Do not be quick to jump from one relationship to the other without God having worked on you. 

However, the question of virginity, or its lack thereof, should never be the sole deciding factor as one can easily miss out on an amazing person because of that.

The underlying question is, can an intimate friendship exist between opposite genders?

The Bible says that a little yeast makes the dough rise (see Galatians 5:9), so one can never be too cautious on the issue of friendship between men and women.

There are two relationships that God acknowledges and these are friendship and marriage. Those two relationships are covenant relationships. So friendship is very important in God’s eyes.

Since society hasn’t clearly defined what friendship is, we can easily find ourselves calling anyone and every one of our friends. When it comes to friendship, we need to understand that there are different levels of closeness. There are entry-level friends and there are covenant friendships that come with a certain level of intimacy. 

The entry-level friendship can be open to any gender, whereas it would be wise to reserve the covenant friendship with the opposite sex for the person you are going to marry. One needs to understand that covenant relationship with an opposite-sex does have some dangers because when it comes to having a relationship with the opposite-sex feelings are bound to arise at some point, it might not be from your side but you can’t tell how the other person is feeling. At the height of emotions, anything can happen. They also sometimes come with soul ties and unhealthy emotional attachments. 

Proverbs 23:3 advises us to be like the wise man who sees danger from afar and avoids it. Let’s not be ignorant of the dangers that lie in an intimate friendship between the opposite gender. Do not fall into the trap of feeling as if you can control the danger, as you’d only be fooling yourself.

Covenant friendship with the opposite-sex is advised for the period before marriage because your friendship is guided and is going somewhere but even then, guidance from those who have already walked that path is critical. God will put such people in your life to help you walk in purity until marriage as these people will also play a mediating role to help both of you communicate issues that may be tough. Do not isolate yourself because it might go against you and so understand that you need people. 

1 Corinthians 6:18 tells us that sexual immorality is the only sin where you sin both against God and your own body. Be disciplined in your friendships and live cautiously. Don’t be the kind of person who enjoys stimulating reactions out of others while entertaining things you shouldn’t be entertaining. Value your body and don’t be a stumbling block to others. 

Now as much as society may carry many stereotypes on what the perfect man and the perfect woman ought to be like, the ultimate decision to act or not act upon it comes from us. The Bible sets the standards by which we are to live and how we are to interact with one another, let that be our only source of reference.

Prayer requests: 

 1. Ask God to give you the wisdom to see danger from afar and to avoid the temptation  

 2. Ask God to help you understand His forgiveness for the times you’ve messed up and to help you forgive yourself.

If you are reading this and feel a sense of guilt for actions from the past, God is saying He has forgiven you, forgive yourself too and accept His forgiveness.

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